


Of Ogres, Donkeys, and Dragons

by Stripesicles222



Series: RWBY Tales [9]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Gen, Humor, Other character's are cameoed, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 17:31:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16022630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stripesicles222/pseuds/Stripesicles222
Summary: You all know the tale: A ferocious ogre lives in a swamp and is forced to go on a quest in order to reclaim their home that was taken over by exiled creatures.  On this quest, the ogre finds friendship and saves a beautiful princess.At least, that's how the story is supposed to go...But when your cast doesn't cooperate, things go downhill fast.





	Of Ogres, Donkeys, and Dragons

**Author's Note:**

> This Tale was requested by boomnitro on fanfiction.net. I was never a huge fan of Shrek as a kid, but I figured I'd give it a go.
> 
> It's pretty evident, but I feel the need to include a disclaimer anyway:  
> I own neither RWBY nor Shrek.

**_Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had been cursed, and the curse could only be broken by true love's kiss._**

**_The princess had been locked away in a tower, guarded by a ferocious dragon._ **

**_Many brave knights had tried to save her, but all had failed._ **

**_And so, the princess waited in her tower, wishing beyond hope that someone could come and rescue her from her terrible fate._ **

"Hey, what are you going on about a princess for?" a voice cut in, rudely interrupting the narrator. "Everyone knows I'm the main character!"

Yang Xiao Long walked into the scene. She was currently wearing a green monster's costume and had even taken the liberty of covering herself with some mud to look more menacing.

**_Yang? What are you talking about? You're not the main character._ **

"Of course I am!" Yang replied. "I am obviously the best choice for the lead, even if it's an ogre!"

**_No you're not. Weiss is playing the role of The Ogre._ **

Yang looked on, utterly flabbergasted, as Weiss Schnee walked over, also dressed as an ogre.

"But she's so short!"

"Hey!"

_**That's beside the point. And what she lacks in stature, she easily makes up for in attitude.** _

"Hey!"

_**Can we just get on with this?** _

"Fine," Yang pouted. "I still think the role's a bit of a tall order for her."

**_Seriously?_ **

"What, I don't think she measures up…"

"Yang, get out of here!"

**_Thank you Weiss. Now where was I…? Ahh, yes._ **

**_And so the princess waited in her tower, wishing beyond hope that someone could come and rescue her from her terrible fate._ **

**_In the farthest reaches of the kingdom's outskirts lived an ogre, named Weiss. At this time, ogres were seen as vile monsters and the citizens of the kingdom were forming a mob to attack the ogre._ **

"I still don't see why I have to be the ogre," Weiss complained.

_**Stop complaining and just do the scene!** _

Weiss the ogre sat in her house, quietly enjoying her evening meal.

Looking out her window, she sees a bunch of lights coming closer, no doubt the villagers with their latest attempts to chase her out.

Sighing, she set her plate down and snuck out the back door and crept around her house until she was standing behind the crowd.

"Alright, let's get it," one of the villagers whispered.

"Hold up," said a second. "Do you know what that thing can do to you?"

Before the first could reply, a third one popped up behind him.

"Yeah, it'll crush your bones into bread!"

Weiss sighed. If they were going to stereotype her, could they at least try to be original?

"Actually, that's giants," she corrected. "Ogres will make soup from your skin; make jelly from your eyes…"

Weiss smiled as she watched the villagers cower in fear. It was always fun to make them cower.

One of the villagers had a sudden burst of courage as he waved his torch at her.

Weiss arched an eyebrow at him in a condescending manner before blowing out the flame.

Basking in their fear, she decided to take it a step farther.

Taking a deep breath, she roared. It quickly turned to hearty laugh as the villagers fled before her.

Something on the ground caught her eyes.

Bending down she picked up and read it.

"Wanted: Fairy Tale creatures."

Sighing in frustration, she tossed it over her shoulder as she turned back to her house. This meant nothing more than added annoyances.

\----------

**_The following morning started out much the same as usual for Weiss. She got up, ate some breakfast, and then set out to start removing more of the Wanted signs before she could relax for the rest of the day. However, things didn't quite turn out as expected..._ **

Weiss glared at another poster. Seriously, how many of these had been printed?

She reached to pull it down, but was stopped as something crashed into her back.

"What the…?"

Spinning around, she saw that it was a small donkey that had crashed into her. It now sat there, staring up at her in fear.

Some guards were heard running through the woods towards her, and the donkey scampered behind Weiss.

"Save me, O Mighty Ogre!"

_**What? That's not the line. Wait…Yang? What are you doing now?** _

"Well, you wouldn't let me be the ogre, so I decided to be the donkey."

_**No, Ruby's the donkey. Hey, where is your sister?** _

"Here! Sorry I'm late. Yang tied me up and put me in the closet."

_**Really Yang?** _

"What? I wanted this part, and I figured you'd pick Ruby over me, so…"

**_*sigh*_ **

**_Yang, get off stage. Ruby, get into position._ **

Ruby scampered and hid behind Weiss.

**_Anyway...guards are coming; donkey hides behind ogre and…_ **

The guards ran up and halted in front of Weiss, most of them breathing heavily.

An important looking guard came to the front of the group and unfurled a scroll.

"By the order of Lady Belladonna," he read, "I am authorized to arrest you both and transport you… to a new… settlement…facility?"

Throughout his little speech, Weiss had been steadily approaching him. Suffice to say, he was terrified.

"Oh really?" Weiss challenged. "You and what army?"

The guard swallowed in fear and glanced over his shoulder. His entire troupe had abandoned him.

Taking their lead, he turned and ran.

The donkey stuck her tongue out at them, and then ran to catch up with Weiss who had begun walking off.

"That was awesome!" she said. "You were all like 'Grr' and they were like 'Ahh!' and you was like—"

"Do you mind?!" Weiss turned on the donkey, only to see she wasn't behind her anymore.

"Not really."

Weiss jumped and saw that the donkey was suddenly in front of her.

"It's just that you were really great back there. It was just so cool the way you dealt with the guards. They were gonna get me, then you showed up and were like 'BAM' and then they ran and I was saved. They were tripping over themselves to get out of there and it was hilarious!"

"Yeah, real great," Weiss deadpanned. "Now if you don't mind I—"

"And boy, am I glad you showed up. Otherwise I would've been in a lot of trouble."

Weiss stopped in front of the donkey.

"That's great and all, but how about you go celebrate with your own friends?"

The donkey fell silent, and Weiss took that as her cue to continue on her way.

"But…I don't have any friends," the donkey muttered to herself quietly. "And I'm not going off on my own. Hey I got a great idea! I'll stick with you!"

She chased after Weiss, who was really hoping the donkey would just wander off.

"You're a fierce ogre. Together we can chase anyone off who bothers us!"

Weiss took a deep breath and tried not to yell at the donkey, but she just couldn't restrain herself.

Without a second thought, she roared.

The donkey looked at her for a second in contemplation.

"That was scary," she said after a moment. "But I think you could do better."

Weiss was taken aback.

"Excuse me?"

"You're a ferocious beast. You've got to be able to better."

Refusing to respond, Weiss huffed and continued on her journey.

Unfortunately, her new companion couldn't take a hint.

"I mean, you almost scared me. That's got to count fo—mpf"

She was cut off as Weiss clamped a hand over her mouth.

However, much to Weiss' chagrin, the donkey was still speaking, even though it was incomprehensible due to her hand.

"-Besides, there's only one thing that scares and even then it's not all that scary…"

"Why, are you following me?!" Weiss asked.

"Because I was hoping we could be friends…" she replied sheepishly.

Weiss took a step back and gestured to herself.

"Look at me, what do you see?"

"Umm, you're really short?"

"What? No. I'm an ogre." She replied. "Y'know, grab your torch and pitchfork! Doesn't that bother you?"

The donkey thought briefly before looking at the ogre, a grin stretched across her mouth.

"Nope." She said. "You saved me from the guards, and that makes us friends."

"In what world does that make us friends?"

"This one!"

Weiss sighed.

"It really doesn't bother you? My being an ogre, that is."

"Nope."

"Really?"

"Really, really," was the reply. "I'm Ruby. What's your name?"

Weiss was once again taken aback by her optimism.

"Uh, Weiss." She replied, once again continuing on her way.

That was something off about this donkey. And not just because she could talk.

"Weiss? That's pretty."

Weiss huffed.

"Well, you know what I like about you, Weiss?" Ruby asked, "You got that 'I don't care what anyone else thinks' attitude. I respect that. Makes you strong…"

Weiss sighed and let the donkey follow along. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad to keep her around. If she weren't so annoying.

Seriously, did she ever stop talking?

Before long, the pair had arrived at the swamp. It wasn't much, but it was still home.

"Look at this place," Ruby exclaimed. "It looks like someone lived here once!"

"I live here now," Weiss corrected.

"Oh…well, it might be a bit run down, but it looks quite homey…"

Weiss rolled her eyes, but continued down the slope to her house.

"Hey Weiss?" Ruby began nervously. "Could I stay with you? I never had a friend and I…"

The donkey trailed off and looked at the ogre hopefully. Weiss had a scowl on her face.

"No."

"Please? I don't wanna go back there. You don't what it's like to be excluded and chased around! Well maybe you do, but…"

Weiss looked at the pleading donkey and her resolve crumbled. How could a donkey look so cute and miserable at the same time?

"Fine!" She shouted, before lowering her voice. "Fine, but just for the night."

"Oh, thank you, thank you! A million times thank you!"

Weiss sighed as the spirited donkey shot past her into the house. What had she gotten herself into?

________________________________________

**_Later that night, Weiss was sitting at a chair by the fire sipping a drink from a small cup. Her temporary roommate was already curled up asleep on the couch._ **

Weiss was still trying to comprehend how she had been duped into letting the donkey spend the night.

No matter, she'd be gone by morning.

She was broken out of her musing s as something small ran by her foot, followed by two others.

Reaching down, she grabbed one of the critters, revealing it to be a blind mouse. There were two more at her feet.

Before she could question them, something crashed into her from behind.

"What are you people doing in my house?" she asked.

One of the seven dwarves in her kitchen shrugged his shoulders.

"There was no more room outside."

"Outside…?"

In disbelief, Weiss ran out of the house.

She almost fainted at what she saw.

As far as her eyes could see were fairy tale creatures from all across the land.

"What are you doing in my swamp?!" she yelled.

A silence fell over the area as everyone noticed for the first time the ogre.

"Alright, get out of here. All of you!"

Weiss did her best to shoo the unwelcome visitors away, but it was in vain.

"We can't leave," argued a wooden person. "Lady Belladonna forced us all out of our homes."

Weiss sighed heavily before addressing the gathered creatures.

"Who knows where this Belladonna person is?"

"Hold on," another voice interrupted. "I don't like how my character is portrayed."

_***sigh* At least it's not Yang this time. And what's wrong with the way this character is portrayed?** _

"Well, she's extremely racist, for one."

_**So? You're the villain. You're not supposed to be nice.** _

"I still don't feel right about it."

**_It's either you do it, or Yang takes the part._ **

"Good point. I'll do it, but try to tone down the discrimination, would you?"

**_Fine, fine._ **

**_Now back to the story._ **

**_Weiss sighed heavily before addressing the gathered creatures…_ **

"Who knows where this Belladonna person is?"

"I do," came a voice from behind her.

She spun to see the donkey emerging from her house. She frowned before turning back to the crowd.

"Does anyone else know where to find him?"

She got no more volunteers, but Ruby kept bouncing up and down in front of her, obviously pleased with herself and glad to be of service.

Weiss sighed in defeat.

"Fine." She said. "Attention all Fairy Tale…things. Do not get comfortable. This is my house, and I'm going to find this Belladonna person and make him get you off my land and back where you came from."

The gathered crowd began to cheer, but Weiss as ignored it as she dragged Ruby's ear and dragged her to the path into the forest.

Ruby was elated to come along and promptly started talking. Weiss paid her no attention as she kept walking.

________________________________________

**_Several hours later, Weiss and Ruby had finally reached the city of Duloc. When they entered the city, they found it strangely empty. They followed the sound of cheers to a small arena._ **

**_When they arrived, there was someone standing on a balcony giving an address to the gathered crowds. On the ground below were a slew of knights._ **

Weiss approached the balcony where the person was who seemed to be in charge.

Upon seeing the ogre, the lady in charge changed her mind.

"Change of plans," she said. "Get the ogre!"

Before Weiss could react, the knights were on top of her.

Within minutes, Ruby and Weiss had rendered all of them incapacitated.

Glaring up at the person in charge, Weiss was shocked at her next proclamation.

"People of Duloc, I give you OUR CHAMPION!"

Weiss looked around in surprise as the crowds started cheering.

"Congratulations, ogre," The person began. "You have won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest across the lands to…"

"Whoa whoa whoa. Hold on," Weiss interrupted. "I'm already kind of busy. You see, I came here to get my swamp back."

"Your swamp?"

"Yeah. My swamp. Where you have dumped all those fairy tale creatures."

The other person muttered something to herself before replying.

"Let's make a deal then, ogre. You go on this quest for me and I'll give you your swamp back."

"And the people there?"

"Consider them gone!"

Weiss thought it over. But it was hard to focus with Ruby quivering in excitement at her side.

"Deal. Anything to get my swamp back."

________________________________________

**_About a day later, Weiss (and Ruby, who had tagged along despite Weiss' protests) had arrived at the edge of a pit of lava. There was a rickety wooden bridge spanning across the gap. On the other side a giant tower loomed over head._ **

**_Eager to reach the end of their journey, Weiss pressed on._ **

Once they entered the castle, Ruby started getting nervous.

"You afraid?" She asked nervously.

"No," Weiss replied. "You?"

"No. Of course not…" Ruby muttered to herself a bit as she tagged along behind Weiss.

"What about the dragon?" She asked.

"I'll deal with that. You go find the stairs."

"Stairs?"

"Of course. The princess is at the top of the tallest tower."

"How do you know that?"

"Weren't you listening to the narrator's prologue?"

"No, Yang had me hogtied then."

_**As much as I would love to retell my tales, could you maybe get back to the story at hand?** _

"Sorry," Ruby muttered. "I'll go find the stairs."

Weiss turned her back on the donkey and headed the other way, grabbing a metal helmet on the way. May as well look the part of a knight.

Looking up, she saw a light on in a high up tower.

"There's the princess, but where's the—"

"DRAGON!"

Weiss was cut off as Ruby came barreling past, as stream of flames hot on her tail.

Weiss grabbed the lizard's tail and tried to subdue the beast, but instead got flung into the air.

Ruby cried out to her friend, but was forced to abandon her as the dragon turned attention to her.

"Please don't eat me," she begged, before noticing something.

"You're teeth are so big and white!"

The dragon pulled back its head and looked at the donkey curiously.

"I mean, you must brush them really well to keep them so shiny. They're so sparkly!"

The dragon seemed to calm down greatly, and just listened happily to the donkey.

"You're not so bad after all, are you? You just wanted a friend."

Ruby saw a glint of metal on the dragon's neck. Upon closer inspection, she saw it was collar with a name engraved into it.

"You're name is Velvet? That's a nice name!"

________________________________________

**_While Ruby was busy befriending the dragon, Weiss had successfully made her way to the top of the tower._ **

**_After catching her breath. She slowly approached the princess._ **

"Alright princess, let's get out of here… Wait, why are there two beds?"

_**What? There should only be one. What is going on here?** _

Princess No. 1 sat up.

"Yang tried to push me out the window, but then she heard Weiss coming up so she just collapsed in the other bed instead."

_**Really Yang?** _

At the scolding, Princess No. 2 sat up and revealed herself to be none other than Yang Xiao-Long, script-ruiner  
extraordinaire.

"Are you saying I can't have this part either?"

_**No, you can't. Now get out of there so we can finish this scene!** _

"I will get a part," the blonde yelled. "And there's nothing you can do about it."

**_I'm the narrator, I'm in charge._ **

"What a royal pain," Yang growled, but left anyway.

The princess lay back in bed and Weiss retook her spot by the door.

_**What am I going to do with her?** _

_**Anyway…Weiss had successfully made her way to the top of the tower.** _

_**After catching her breath. She slowly approached the princess.** _

"Come on princess. Let's get out of here."

The princess snored, oblivious to the world around her.

"I said come on."

Weiss took the princess by the shoulders.

"Hey, hey, hey. Take it easy, would ya?"

Weiss looked in disbelief at the person she was holding.

"You're not a princess!"

**_What?!_ **

"No, I'm not. I'm the prince who has been cursed in this tower for my entire life, waiting for it to be broken with true love's kiss."

Weiss rolled her eyes under her helmet at the dramatic flair the prince added.

"Whatever. Let's go."

"Wait, won't you kiss me?"

Weiss stepped back, clearly disgusted.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you're the one fated to rescue me and save me from this tower."

Weiss didn't grace him with a verbal reply, but grabbed his arm and dragged him out the door, ignoring all his protests.

"Look," she said. "I don't know what warped stories you have come up with while locked away, but I don't care. We're just getting out of here."

"Can I at least know who it was that has rescued me?"

"Name's Weiss, but I don't care if you forget. I'll never see you again once I finish this quest."

"What do you—?"

The prince was cut off as a loud roar echoed through the castle.

"You didn't slay the dragon?"

"I'm working on it," Weiss countered.

The prince launched into another spiel about how saving people was supposed to go, but Weiss just brushed it off

"Well in case you haven't noticed, this fairy tale is getting quite unorthodox."

_**You got that right...** _

The prince merely shrugged.

"Can't argue with you there."

"Good, now come on," she urged. "We have to save my donkey."

"Your donkey?"

Weiss ignored the question as she pushed open another door.

Motioning to the prince to stay back, she crawled over to the edge of the overhang and looked down.

The dragon had its tail wrapped around Ruby, who seemed to be sitting there in a state of shock, not sure what to do. Believe it or not, she was talking even more than usual. Weiss was mildly impressed. 

Thinking quickly, she grabbed a nearby chain that was attached to the great chandelier.

Pulling on it, she released the chandelier form its hanging point and dropped it on the dragon.

"Weiss, wait! She's a friend!"

Ignoring the donkey's complaints, Weiss grabbed Ruby and the prince, and she ran out of the castle, the dragon not far behind.

Thinking quickly, she ran through and around the pillars. The dragon, still attached to the chandelier soon got tangled up, and Weiss escaped with her cargo.

________________________________________

Panting heavily, Weiss dropped her companions on the other side of the lava gap

"Oh mighty savior, wouldst thou removeth thine helmet so I couldst kisseth thou?"

Weiss looked at the prince.

"What?"

The prince sighed.

"Take off your helmet so I can kiss you."

"How about no."

"Please?"

"No."

"Can you at least remove your helmet?"

"Ugh. Fine."

__Weiss removed her helmet and threw it in the lava._ _

__"Happy?" She asked._ _

__"Y-you're an ogre?"_ _

__"What were you expecting a Lady Charming or something?" Weiss deadpanned._ _

__"Frankly, yes." The knight replied. "There is no way you are my true love."_ _

__"You got that right."_ _

__Ruby just laughed._ _

__"You thought Weiss was your true love?"_ _

__"I mean, I guess?" the prince replied._ _

__Now it was Weiss' turn to laugh wryly._ _

__"We'll have Belladonna take of it when we get back to her."_ _

__"Well why didn't she come rescue me?"_ _

__"I don't know. Too lazy or something. Let's just go."_ _

__Weiss turned and started heading back toward Duloc._ _

__"But…but…"_ _

__Ruby sighed._ _

__"Come on," she said. "When she gets like this there's no arguing."_ _

__Lowering his head in defeat, he followed behind sadly._ _

__"The sooner we get there the better."_ _

__Ruby smiled comfortingly._ _

__"We should get there by tomorrow morning."_ _

__The prince stopped._ _

__" M-morning?" he stammered. "That's no good. I need to get there tonight."_ _

__Weiss huffed._ _

__"As much as I want to get away from you, I can't teleport."_ _

__"So I guess we'll just have to find a place to stay the night."_ _

__All in agreement, the trio set out to find a place to camp out for the evening._ _

__Before long, they came across a small cave._ _

__"How about this?" Weiss asked tiredly._ _

__"Are you kidding me?" Ruby asked. "You can't ask a prince to sleep in a cave!"_ _

__The prince was quick to squash any doubts._ _

__"No no. It's good. It's fine."_ _

__Before the others could question him, he had shut himself in the cave and refused to come out until morning._ _

__Weiss and Ruby lay out under the stars, looking up into the heavens._ _

__Ruby was saying something, but Weiss didn't particularly care, opting instead to block her out and get some sleep._ _

___________________________________________ _

_**The following morning dawned just like many others. The sun rose and illuminated the land, giving an otherworldly glow to this world.** _

__Weiss awoke to the smell of breakfast cooking._ _

__Opening her eyes, she saw the prince sitting by a small fire._ _

__"Morning Weiss!"_ _

__The ogre jumped as Ruby's head appeared in her line of sight._ _

__"You dolt! You don't just come up and scare someone like that!"_ _

__"Oh, hi guys!" the prince greeted. "I tried making breakfast, but it didn't turn out all that well."_ _

__Weiss waved him off._ _

__"That's fine. We should probably get moving anyway."_ _

___________________________________________ _

**_A little while later, the small group was wandering through the woods at a leisurely pace._ **

**_Ruby and the prince had started a conversation a while back, but Weiss refused to take part. As far as she was concerned, the less she involved herself with the prince, the better._ **

She was drawn out of herself musings as she heard a girly scream come from behind her. 

She turned to see the prince fly up into the air as a stranger grabbed him

The duo landed on a tree branch, and the captor made an impressive bow.

The prince continued to scream.

"Let me down! Let me down! Let me down!" 

The stranger laughed. 

"Aww, calm down, silly! I won't let you fall."

"Hey!" Weiss called up. "That's my prince. Go find your own!" 

"Hello there ogre!" the stranger greeted. "Have you come to join the game?"

Weiss growled.

"Who do you think you are, just stealing people's princes like that."

"Knew I was forgetting something!" The stranger said.

"Oh Merry Men!" she sang.

Out of the bushes jumped five more weirdos, one of which began to play an accordion.

The first stranger began to sing, but Weiss quickly cut her off.

"Could you introduce yourself without singing?"

The stranger pouted.

"You're no fun. We had a whole dance routine and everything!"

"I'm also impatient."

"Grouchy too. Anyway, my name is Robin Hood, but my friends call me Nora," the stranger introduced herself. "And this is my band of Merry Men. There's Pyrrha, Ren, Fox, Yatsuhashi, and Coco."

"I love your outfits," Ruby gushed as she ran over to the Merry band.

"Thanks," one of them replied. "I designed them myself."

"Anyway," Weiss said, "What do you want with my prince?"

"The same as anyone who kidnaps a prince: to have a fun game of hide and seek!"

At the blank looks received, one of the Merry Men stepped up with a sigh.

"She means hold him for ransom and get paid," he said. "Our hyper leader is a child at heart, but we will follow her anyway."

"You make it sound so boring, Ren!" Nora whined.

"And how do you plan on getting away with the one I already rescued?" Weiss countered.

"We'll just have to fight you for him!" Nora shouted.

She leapt out of the tree, and her troupe followed, readying weapons as they readied themselves. 

Weiss turned to Ruby.

"Get ready to fight."

Before the Merry Men could attack, the prince fell out of the tree and landed on the group below, successfully incapacitating all the Merry Men.

"Sorry," he mumbled sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it," Weiss said. "Let's just get out of here."

The others nodded, and they continued on their way, not sparing another look to Nora Hood's troupe.

________________________________________

_**Well that didn't go as planned… This whole story is not going the way it's supposed to!** _

_**Nora's troupe was supposed to go down with more difficulty! Weiss and the prince were supposed to grow closer here! What have I done wrong? Now we have to skip the entire next scene because it won't fit anymore.** _

"It's because you haven't given me a part yet."

**_Not now Yang._ **

"But everyone else has a part. Even Team CFVY!" She whined.

_**You know what, fine. I'll give you a part in the next scene, but it may not work out right since your friends have changed the script so many times.** _

"Awesome! I get a part!"

_**The next day, the prince woke up in his cave. The night before, Ruby had snuck into the cave out of fear of the dark and had discovered his secret. Every night, the prince turned into an ogre. That's his curse. Can only be broken by true love, et cetera, et cetera.** _

_**Anyway, prince wakes up, Weiss is missing.** _

_**Action…** _

He walked out of his cave, and saw Weiss coming back

"H-hey Weiss," he murmured.

"Hey prince," she replied. "You've got visitors"

"Huh?"

He looked out into the distance, and sure enough, an army of knights came trotting up. The lady in the lead grinned down at him.

"Glad you could make it," Weiss said. "Now can I have my swamp back?"

The lady sighed, but handed her the deed anyway.

"Here you go."

"And the creatures?"

"Cleared out as promised. " The lady replied. "And they're people, not creatures."

"Whatever."

Deed in hand, Weiss walked away, leaving the prince and the donkey with the knights.

The lady looked back to the prince.

"Hi. I'm Lady Belladonna. The script says I'm supposed to take you with me, but I'm not really sure why."

_**You're supposed to ask him to marry you.** _

"Why? What would that accomplish?"

_**You want to become queen or something, and to do that you have to marry a prince.** _

"But that doesn't make sense."

_**Well, true love's kiss is supposed to break the prince's curse, and the prince is supposed to realize he's fallen for Weiss.** _

"I didn't agree to that," Weiss cut in.

_**Really? Didn't you read the script? Oh who am I kidding? Of course you didn't. None of you did. None of this is going according to plan!** _

"We haven't even been told the prince's name yet," Ruby added.

**_I thought he was introduced back at the tower?_ **

"We were too busy running away from the dragon," the prince said.

_**Huh. So you were...** _

"Anyway, my name's Prince Jaune."

Weiss scowled.

"I was supposed to fall in love with Jaune?"

**_I mean, that was the plan._ **

"How about we just jump to the end," Blake offered.

"And just skip over my part?" Yang challenged.

**_You know what? I really don't care at this point. Just, someone kiss Jaune and break his curse. I don't care whether he winds up human or ogre anymore._ **

"Can't we just settle for True Friend's handshake?" Ruby asked.

_**Fine. Shake his hand. I quit.** _

"That's not fair! What about my part! 

**_You got enough screen time by just interrupting._ **

"But I…"

**_Drop it._ **

**_Let me just wrap this up and we can get out of here. I'm fed up with you all._ **

**_So in the end, Prince Jaune realized he didn't need to have his curse broken. It was fun to have an alter ego with which he could haunt the streets at night. Lady Belladonna realized the errors of her ways and began a protest for equal rights for fairy tale creatures. Ruby moved into the swamp with Weiss, and the ogre tolerated her. Nora Hood and her Merry Men continued dancing across the countryside as bounty hunters. Velvet the dragon became the main protector of the city of Duloc._ **

**_And they all lived happily ever after. The End._ **

"But what about me? Do I really not get a part?"

**_And Yang became court jester. The End._ **

Yang shrugged.

"I can live with that."

**_Good. Can I go home now?_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Today, I learned I really don't like HTML text editing. Took me way too long to format this thing.  
> Eh. maybe I just need more practice.


End file.
